Sunday, December 14, 2008

Another Bittersweet Christmas

Honestly, I'd rather be writing about whether we should or should not do Santa. This morning (okay, I admit... it was really this afternoon) when I woke up, I had a lot in my head, and thought it might be a good time to blog. But a lot of what is there is not stuff I want to write about, because giving voice to something makes it more real than I want it to be. Like if I don't say it, it isn't happening (although I know that isn't true, it's happening). I had the same feeling this time last year, when we lost our dear Great Aunt, Pig. I wasn't able to write about it until January. That post is here: The Last Bath

And now we're back to a similar place, but this time with my Pap-Paw, one of my life-long best friends. He had a terrible fall on Friday night, and when I arrived to see him in the ER my first thought was what fragile packaging we are wrapped in. I thought of a car in a horrible accident that is so badly damaged that we don't fix it, we trade it in for a car in better condition that can take us another 100,000 miles. And I wanted to tell God that this body He gave Pap-Paw is all worn out and very banged up now, so we'd like to just order a new one, please. And thank you. But before I could get that silliness into a prayer, I knew we can't trade our bodies in for new ones. Well, we can. And Pap-Paw will. And I'm afraid it will be sooner than I'll ever be ready for.

The body repair guy, well, the surgeon, did the best he could. And today Pap-Paw is recovering, whatever that means when you're 98. Yesterday when he began reaching out into the air, my heart sank. I've seen that before, and it was in Mam-Maw's final days and again in Pig's final days... I've asked each of them what they are seeing, but they can't say. I guess I'll have to wait and find out for myself.

I know he won't read this. But I have to say it while I can. I love you, Pap-Paw.


Katie said...

Oh, honey. (((hugs)))

I'm so sorry you and your family are going through all that. Praying for your Pa-Paw, that he has comfort, and that you all feel the love of God and His peace as you live through the suspense of wondering what will be next.

Laura said...

Oh Julie!

We will pray for you all... your sweet Pa-Paw who is probably ecstatic to be headed home; and for you, friend, who loves him fiercely and has to temporarily let him go. May your moments together be beautifully woven. May you be comforted by the certain knowledge that your Pa-Paw is going to see the face of Jesus.

Many, many unexpected blessings to you,

Jubilee said...

Oh, Julie, my heart goes out to you. I know just what you are going through. I will be praying for Paw-Paw, and for your family. God's grace is sufficient, and His peace passes understanding. We're all a bit jealous of Paw-Paw, aren't we? Love you sweet friend.